


Torn Maps (Paper People)

by CalamityK



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Harry is Q, Liam is radar, Listen it's also alot different than paper towns though, Louis is margo, M/M, Niall is the literal anti-ben, Paper Towns, Paper Towns AU, Sainskirk is a gross bastardization of wolverhampton oops, i already have most of this fic written so i'll try to update weekly, idk why i wrote this, ill eventually update the tags, its a guy named ben wo isnt in the story, lets pretend its ben winston, nick is a cheating scumbucket, oh and zayn is in the fic he's angela because fuck you thats why, theres a death in the prologue, this was the hardest thing i ever wrote
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-03 23:58:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4119300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> Harry figures that in the vast expanse of the ever-ever at least one miracle will happen to everybody.</i><br/>His miracle is this: out of all the bedroom windows, in all the flats, in all the complexes in Sainskirk, he ends up with the one directly across from Louis Tomlinson.</p><p> </p><p>-~-~-~-~-~-~-<br/><br/>Or the loosely based Paper Towns AU that no one asked for, where Louis is a little bit broken and a lot of trouble, and Harry can't help but take a risk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> FOREWORD: Half of this fic is already complete so I should be posting a chapter a week. if I get it completed in due time then I may up that to two chapters a week. We shall see my lovely readers, we shall see.
> 
> Obviously John Green wrote Paper Towns so I don't own any part of it I just simply borrowed some of his overall themes and decided to completely ruin the whole thing. This fic isn't exactly like Paper towns so you don't have to be familiar with it to read this fic. It's very loosly based on Paper Towns I am changing ALOT of that so if paper towns is somehow sacred to you, please don't hurt me.
> 
> Sainskirk is a very fictional English town. I loosely based it off of Wolverhampton, but for my convenience, and for the well being of this fic, the whole town is fictional. Kind of like....a paper town..aha. 
> 
>  
> 
> I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY BETA TEAM, [Jenna](drunkenlarry.tumblr.com), [Tyler](harrysgettinghead.tumblr.com), and [Alix](alixrs.tumblr.com)  
> Without them this fic would have been trashed after the prologue. This fic is no where near the quality i'm used to writing. But hey i'm trying my hardest!

Harry figures that miracles are about one in ten billion. He’ll never win the lottery, or stumble over the cure for cancer, or inherit millions of dollars and a small island from some long lost relative, or get struck by lightning twice and live. But in the grand scheme of unlikely occurrences, all of these are things that could happen to people. He figures that in the vast expanse of the ever-ever at least one miracle will happen to everybody. Someone could narrowly avoid being hit by a train, someone could accidentally discover they’re royalty, someone could be the first to colonize the moon. His miracle is a little bit less exciting. Harry’s miracle is this: out of all the bedroom windows, in all the flats, in all the complexes in Sainskirk, he ended up with the one directly across from Louis William Tomlinson.

His complex, Needlepoint Arms, sat in the Hayward House division, which all used to be something of a system of homeless shelters. But when the city churches finally built real buildings for the homeless, they turned it over to the local university, who decided to remodel it and turn it into low rent housing complexes for students that didn’t want the dorm experience, but still wished to live near campus. What else would a university do with rows of abandoned buildings? Harry ended up moving into one halfway through his first year, right when he was eighteen.

So Harry was eighteen, fresh to uni, and living with two new flat mates he barely knew when  he first discovered Louis. He was freshly unpacked and exhausted when he looked at the window and discovered he’d be needing a curtain. His window lined up perfectly with the window of a mirrored room in the Cherrywood complex next door. They lined up so perfectly and were so close together that not only could he see through the open curtains of his new neighbors room, he could probably have reached in and shut them himself if both windows were open. He remembers plainly how he’d surveyed the room, feeling vaguely like an intruder as his eyes scanned over dark posters and piles of clothes until he was startled as he met the bright smile and blue eyes of the room’s occupant, who was in turn watching him.

Harry almost jumped back from the window and hid, but he was momentarily captivated by the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. The boy-- looking to be around his own age, maybe a bit older but not much-- had caramel brown hair wisping over his forehead, and an air of excitement around him as he slid his window open and motioned for Harry to do the same.

At the time Harry fancied himself a charming person, so as he popped the lock and slid open his own window he was fully preparing his most dazzling introduction. What he was unprepared for was being knocked out of the way by the body that was quickly coming through his freshly opened window. A breathy “Sorry” and a steadying hand greeted him from the boy, who was even prettier up close. Harry thought that he may even be the most epically gorgeous creature god ever deigned to put on earth, now that he was face to face with stark cheekbones and the smell of something like lilacs. He realized of course he was just standing silently, gaping at a stranger when his new neighbor extended one of his small tan hands and offered, “Hi, I’m Louis Tomlinson.”

That moment will live infamously in the back of Harry’s brain as the start of his one miracle. They got closer, sort of; Harry never quite got around to purchasing curtains, and Louis always seemed to leave his open. Harry’s flat mates, Niall and Liam, were already aware of Louis, even if they weren’t really friends. They all ended up at the same parties and in the same social circles, so even when he was just admiring Louis from afar he felt like he was knowing him. He remained as it were, captivated and endlessly in awe of everything about him; Louis’s love of mysteries, his wild sense of adventure, his inability to back down from a dare. There wasn’t a quality Louis had that Harry didn’t like. And even though Harry never climbed through Louis’s window, Louis clambered through his occasionally.

Harry saw Louis as somewhat of an enigma and didn’t think twice about the fact that they never really became friends despite their strange window meetings. He remembers the day after his first exams, after he’d clambered up the stairs to his floor and slammed open the flat door, utterly overcome with his own exhaustion. He only needed to take a few steps inside to start feeling like the world was out of order, but he chalked it up to being tired. He heard Niall and Liam sitting on the couch in the living room, talking hurriedly and in hushed voices. He didn’t really pay them any attention as he breezed past them, on his way to his room. Not even as he heard the faint whisper of, “Yeah, Louis found him. Tragic really.” slip from Niall’s mouth.

He was in his room a full five minutes before he realized something was off. It wasn’t until he went to peer through Louis’s window that he figured out what it was. The curtains that had always been tied back with strings, were drawn closed, the opaque white cloth assaulting Harry and making his stomach turn.

He took a few steps backwards. He remembers thinking immediately that something was irreparably, decidedly, earth shatteringly wrong. When he joined Liam and Niall on the couch he found out that something was very wrong indeed.

The thing was, Harry was so tired that day he hadn’t paid much attention on his way back from classes. He hadn’t noticed the silent police car sitting outside Cherrywood, or the ambulance that had driven past him a couple blocks down, or the way a few people stood haunted on the front steps of both Cherrywood and Needlepoint. If he had he would’ve maybe stopped, and found out what was happening. He would’ve known that a boy had been found in a Cherrywood stairwell, sitting in a pool of blood, eyes open and vacant. He would’ve heard that Louis was running up the stairs when he’d slipped and fell into the gruesome discovery.

Of course his first instinct was to rush and find Louis, comfort him, but he couldn’t. He and Louis weren’t that close, and he didn’t know how. Louis was still somewhere talking with officials. He’d have to wait and see if Louis would come back and open his curtains.

That night, Harry went to his room and crawled in his bed at approximately eleven because he’d have more exams the next day and needed to get to sleep somewhat early. He set his alarms, shut his door, and turned off his lights. He was about to slip his headphones in and drift off, still worried.

As he turned on his side, he glanced at his window, where Louis William Tomlinson balanced, palms pressed up against the glass and face down turned. Harry got up and opened it, but Louis didn’t climb through, he just remained seated on the sill of his own.

“I found out a lot of things today.” Louis said seriously. Shadows bounced off his face and darkened his features, but Harry could see how closed off his face was as he leaned against the frame of his window. “The lead officer told me his name was Ben. He lived two flats down from me. So I went over there after they got done talking to me. Knocked on the door, talked to his flat mate. He was the same age as me, Harry. Twenty-one, wanted to be a lawyer. He shot himself, so I asked his mate why he’d do such a thing, and he told me that Ben didn’t really have any friends, and wasn’t close with his family, and he felt surrounded by too many happy people, and he was sad about it.”

Louis paused then, and Harry didn’t say anything, couldn’t really. He just looked at Louis’s face, pale and shadowed, with his eyes looking as though he was a million miles away in his head, as he looked past Harry instead of at him. “Plenty of people feel sad and don’t kill themselves.” Harry said.

“Well yeah,” Louis said, voice still flat and his eyes darting to finally look at Harry. “but he did.” Louis started swinging his feet where they were dangling in the small space between the complexes. “He did because he was lonely. I asked his flat mate if he’d ever tried to help him, and you know what he did?” Louis’s face scrunched up a bit, “He just shrugged his shoulders, and asked if I wanted any tea. So I just said no thank you and I left.”

Harry said nothing again, just watched Louis and waited for him to continue talking. He felt like Louis was about to say something significant, knew that somehow, this moment was important.

“I think I understand how he felt.” Louis finally admitted.

“How?”

“Like all the little puzzle pieces inside of him no longer matched up and never would.” Louis said.

Harry stood silent, searching for something to say in response to that, but Louis leaned forward, grabbing the edge of Harry’s window and sliding it closed from the outside. Before Harry could protest Louis pressed a palm to the glass again, and smiled. “Go to bed.” He said. Harry stood there another moment before he did. Watching Louis lean back, still perched steadily in the sill of his own window, no longer looking at Harry but instead at the sky.

Harry watched him sit there even after he crawled into his bed like Louis told him to. He doesn’t remember seeing Louis climb back in and shut his window, drawing the curtains closed where they would remain, as Harry drifted off to sleep. Unaware that that’s the last time he’d really talk to Louis William Tomlinson.  

In all the years that pass quietly afterwards, Harry can’t help but think that maybe Louis became like the mysteries he loves so much.


	2. There's A Little Bit of You in All This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sainskirk doesn't exist btw it's a fictional town based off of Wolverhampton. LOOSELY BASED. I'll stress that aha. Harry & Louis's complexes are based off places I've lived where there are barely any gaps between the buildings like maybe a 12in total. And their uni off my uni. I'll thank Jenna for helping me research and Alix for correcting my horrible grammar.  
> The chapter title is from Say Anything by Mariana's Trench.

Harry wakes up on the longest day of his life already late. To add to that he takes too long to shower and dress himself and ends up with Liam shoving a stale scone at him as they shuffle out the door. It is about 7:45 on a Wednesday, meaning he has to be in his Senior seminar in about twenty minutes.

They usually catch a ride with their barely there flatmate, one Niall Horan, who for once in his hectic life seems to have left on time. On time for Niall usually meant stumbling into their flat thirty minutes before they were set to leave, barely changing out of last night’s clothes, and tossing the keys to either Harry or Liam. This morning apparently Niall had done one of two things: either he hadn’t come home yet, or he had stayed in last night and left for class at an appropriate time. Either way his car wasn’t in the lot of their complex, rendering him useless to Harry.

As they walked, Liam was rattling on about papers and exams and the Big Finale, which was a large formal their uni held mostly for seniors— kind of like a disappointing adult prom—as a last hoorah.

“I’m not a big believer in the Big Finale.” Harry reminds him as they rounded a corner, choking  down the last bit of his scone and glancing at his phone clock. 7:51 shone back at him, meaning he might be on time after all. They’d had this same discussion before.

“Just because you don’t want to ask anyone, doesn’t mean it’s a bad event. You just hate formal events where you have to button your shirts all the way up.” Liam says, and he’s right. Harry hates buttoning his shirts, he glances down at the blue one he’s wearing currently that’s only buttoned on the bottom two.

“It’s not just my hatred for formal wear, I’m also not a big fan of people that actually  enjoy  formal events.” Harry explains, even if it’s sort of a lie. They both are well aware that Niall is thrumming with the idea of being surrounded by girls in short dresses.

They finally round the last corner, the campus of the University of Sainskirk coming into view. Harry glances quickly at the front student lot, seeing Niall’s black car sitting in the slot closest to the door. He had gotten there early after all, whether he’d made it to their flat at all was still up in the air. It didn’t escape Harry’s notice that the blue compact car that was fitted perfectly in the slot to the left of Niall belonged to none other than Louis Tomlinson. His usual spot.

While Harry was momentarily distracted, Liam veered off toward the maths building, with a small wave and a mumbled “See you later.”

Harry does his best to wave back as he continues his path toward the main building. He checks the time again and the 8:02 display makes him thank multiple deities for long legs and the ability to speed walk. That leaves him about thirteen minutes to enjoy his social circle that he spots as soon as he opens the main door.

He can see Niall and a select few other people he knows standing against the wall in the main corridor. As Harry approaches them the row shifts, opening up a spot for him to slide into. They are gossiping fervently about Jade Thirlwall—a brown haired girl Harry had turned down his second year when she hadn’t quite noticed he was gay—dumping someone in the middle of the campus footie pitch. She’s apparently now going out with a girl who asked her to the Big Finale the same night, also on the footie pitch. Harry’s not much on public displays so he only half listens.

“Haz,” says Niall, who’s propped on Harry’s right. He nods and pushes off the wall motioning for Harry to follow. Harry doesn’t hesitate as they pass through the double doors. Niall is a pale, loud, and very blonde Irishman. Other than being Harry’s flat mate he is probably also Harry’s best friend.

“Where were you last night?” Harry asks. They are in the side corridor leading off toward the Liberal Arts department and no one is really around to hear them. Niall just snorts and waves off the question.

“So Payno, I hear, is going to the Big Finale.” Niall says sounding scandalized. Payno is an affectionate butchering of Liam’s last name Payne. He’s not sure who the first person was to call him that, but it doesn’t really matter since it stuck.

“Zayn?” Harry asks. Liam is very hush with his dating life, but living with him allows Harry and Niall to make some educated guesses on who he is with.

Niall shrugs and then says, “Probably, anyway, you remember my grand plan of asking a fresher to the Big Finale because they’re the only girls I haven’t really gone through yet?” Harry nods.

“Well,” Niall says, “this morning I had a first year walk up to me and ask me if I was ‘Horny Horan’ can you believe it? My reputation apparently precedes me.” Niall pauses and smirks, “Not that I mind, but you know, there goes my idea of taking a first year. They’ll never say yes if they think I’m only going to ‘hang to bang’.” Harry rolls his eyes at the hip motions Niall makes to accompany the phrase.

Niall has built up quite the insane party-boy, manwhore, hell-of-a-guy reputation over the last four years. It doesn’t help that second year one of the footie player’s girlfriends spread a rumor that Niall has a pretty nasty venereal disease, because she was one of the few he turned down. No one really listened to that one though.

“That’s balls.” Harry says.

Niall begins outlining his new plan to get a date, but Harry is only half listening because he truly only half cares. At the end of the hallway he sees something he does kind of care about. More than half-way. At the end of the hallway stands none other than Louis Tomlinson. He’s wearing a red t-shirt and tight black skinny jeans, ever the enigma. Louis is half surrounded by his friend circle-- that Harry hasn’t been part of since sometime after that night at the window first year, when Louis became somewhat of a troubled campus celebrity—and of course Louis’s boyfriend of two years, Nick Grimshaw.

Louis appears to be laughing, his shoulders are hunched forward and his mouth is open like he’s surprised by something, but Harry can’t seem to see what because no one else seems to be laughing. Nick isn’t even particularly paying attention to Louis, eyes seemingly focused down the hall at Louis’s flat mate Josh. Who, when Harry looks, is draped all over some guy that looks like a supermodel.

Harry looks back at Louis and smiles, even though Louis isn’t paying any attention. Niall notices and elbows him in the ribs, “Still not over that one, eh? It’s about 8:13, mate we’d better book it.”

Harry nods as they speed up a bit. Still staring at Louis who can’t seem to close his mouth. He’s vaguely aware that Niall is still talking, but he’s too busy desperately trying to soak up Louis without being too obvious. It’s not even that Louis’s so attractive. He hasn’t changed much since Harry first met him, now his light brown hair sweeps up away from his forehead, and a few more tattoos litter his skin, but other than that he’s the same Louis Tomlinson Harry hasn’t spoken to since the night he shut the curtains.

Niall notices him staring, of course, but he’s used to it. He just shakes his head at Harry, “You know who is seriously hot?”

Harry shakes his head, eyes refocusing on Niall as they officially pass Louis. “No, who?”

“Eleanor Calder, that’s who.” Niall says. Eleanor is Louis’s somewhat rude female best friend. “She could cut me up with a glare, and I think I like that in a woman.”

Harry laughs, but he’s still thinking about Louis. Louis the Legend, Tommo the Tease, Louis William Tomlinson, who Harry still considers a miracle. He’s sure he’s not the only one, since stories of Louis’s epic escapades take the campus by storm at least once a year. The whole campus holds Louis up in reverence. Whether it was the time Louis hopped on a train and ended up in France for a weekend, or the time Louis ran off to London on break week and came back having been seen out with a prince, or the time Louis landed backstage at a The 1975 concert because he told the bouncer he was dating Matty Healy. And of course when he’d actually gotten to meet Matty, Matty had hit on him and Louis actually  turned him down.  All sorts of wild tales follow Louis, vastly overshadowing that time he found a dead kid.

Before Harry realizes it he and Niall are sliding into their seats in the back of the large lecture hall, Liam already seated and waiting for them.

Liam looks up at them and sighs, “I literally went to the maths building and dropped off a paper on advanced theorems and I still managed to beat you two to class.”

Harry registers the fact that he forgot to his laptop as he watches Liam open his up and start typing away at something. Harry sighs, “So I hear you’re going to the Big Finale. Is that why you were yammering on about it this morning?”

Liam doesn’t look up from typing. “Right now I’m editing an entire section of Who Needs Google while our professor prattles needlessly and unaware twenty rows down. Did you know this class only grades us on attendance? I found out yesterday when I skipped to re-enter an entire post on W.N.G. and got an email about it.”

Liam is somewhat of a nerd, never really grew out of it when he reached uni. He runs a popular online blog. Its information based because Liam hates both Wikipedia and Google reference systems and fancies himself more knowledgeable. It’s uncreatively named Who Needs Google. Harry would swear that Liam spends half his life fixing, redoing, and writing for it, but to his credit he has thousands of followers. And gets a fair amount of anonymous hate and vandalized articles. Sometimes Harry sends them himself when Liam gets annoying.

“So you’re actually going to the Big Finale?” Harry repeats.

“Yeah.” Liam says finally without looking up. It’s a well-known thing among them that Harry won’t be going. Nothing about reliving something he already experienced as a teenager appealed to him as a twenty-two year old.

“Payno,” Niall leans over Harry to talk, “The first years know about me.” Liam nods in acknowledgement that he’s listening. “Basically,” Niall continues, “my only options for actually having my own girl for the Big Finale are looking to be Mail Order Escorts or taking someone old enough to be my mother.”

“I can ask Zayn if any of his art friends are single.” Liam says.

Harry laughs. “Getting Niall in with the art crew is going to be harder than bathing a basket of cats.”

Liam actually pauses to look up, “It’ll definitely be harder than Mail Order Escorts.”

Niall groans but tears himself down even further, “At this point I’m not sure my own grandma would go to a public event with me.”

“Maybe if you’d learn to date just one girl at a time you wouldn’t have an issue.” Harry says.

“It’s not my fault I’m so deliciously irresistible.” Niall drawls with his Irish lilt, waggling his eyebrows for effect. Harry is going to laugh and make a snide comment but some girl in the row in front of them actually turns around and slides Niall her number on a torn slip of paper at that very moment.

They all bust out laughing as she turns back around. It’s so easy to have this banter and playful conversation with his two best friends that Harry doesn’t even notice he’s stopped thinking about Louis.

~~~~~~

Harry spends the next few hours rushing from building to building, in and out of classes, and constantly checking his cell phone for the time, only to be disappointed when it’s not time to leave yet. He should be accustomed to the slow passing of classes, he’s had four full years of experience with it. Still they seem to never end.

As slow as his eleven o'clock English writing class seems to be going, it does finally end at half-noon, leaving him with an hour break to spend in the eatery with Niall. Liam has classes straight through until three, so he never eats with them.

Harry rushes in and quickly finds Niall in the booth they normally share and he has already gotten them both sandwiches thankfully. Harry plops down and quickly grabs one and unwraps it, noticing that Niall looks a little down.

“What’s up?” Harry asks, “Or should I be asking what’s down? You look a lot more morose than you did in seminar.”

“I hooked up with the girl that slipped me her number in a stairwell between classes.” Niall says, a little sadly, around a mouthful of bread and lettuce. “I know you think it’s dumb, Haz, but I really want to take someone to the Big Finale.”

“Then ask the girl you just hooked up with.” Harry says.

Niall sits his sandwich down and frowns, “I did. Right after we shagged. She said no. Already has a date apparently.”

“That really sucks, Niall.” Harry says, trying to sound sincere even though he kind of wants to laugh.

“Yeah, whatever.” Niall picks his sandwich back up and finishes it in one bite, then looks at Harry very seriously. “I get a lot more action in college than I ever imagined, but every time I ask a girl to go steady she looks at me like I have four heads.”

Harry laughs and goes to respond when he sees a pretty boy, artistically covered in tattoos, heading over to their booth. It takes Harry a moment to recognize it as Zayn Malik, Sainskirk’s— possibly all of England’s—best and most infamous graffiti artist and Liam’s speculated boyfriend.

“Hi.” Zayn says to Harry.

“Hello.” Harry replies, scooting over and motioning for Zayn to sit down. He knows Zayn a bit from seeing him around town, and as a head of some art movement or other, but he’s not someone Harry says hi to when they pass on campus.

“So, I’m guessing since you two live with Liam, you know a hell of a lot more about him than I do.” Zayn says, propping his elbows on the table.

“It’s a challenge living with Payno, but me and Haz here don’t back down from challenges.” Niall answers.

“Do you think, maybe, that Liam is embarrassed to be seen with me?”

Niall laughs, “I don’t think Liam should be embarrassed to be seen with anyone. You should be embarrassed to be seen with him.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but, for example, this is technically the first time I’ve met you two, and you live with him.”

“Oh,” Harry jumps in, “that’s probably because he’s embarrassed of us.”

Zayn looks at him, “You two don’t seem embarrassing.” He says, side eyeing Niall a bit like he’s unsure. Harry doesn’t blame him.

“We’ve been together around three months and I haven’t met any of his friends. He’s met my whole family. He won’t even take me to his family home on breaks.” Zayn says.

Harry and Niall exchange a knowing look and Zayn catches it. “I saw that, you two know something. Does he think I’m weird?”

Harry scrunches up his nose, “It’s more because Liam’s weird. And obviously you know just how weird he is if you’ve been with him that long.”

Niall nods in agreement. “And if you know how weird Liam is, imagine him about three times that and you’ll get his family.”

Zayn stares at them both a moment then nods, “Okay, if you say so. I have a class to get to, don’t mention this meeting to Liam please.” He says as he gets out of the booth and stalks off.

“That boy is gorgeous, and kind of cool.” Niall says, “I wonder if we could trade Liam off for him as a flat mate. I bet he’d paint the house real nice.

“Yeah, but I bet he doesn’t know half the useless information Liam does, that ends up not being useless when we need it for papers.” Harry says, “We kind of need Liam for his internet genius.”

~~~~~~~

Harry meets up with Niall again right before his last class of the day in the history building, with Liam joining them this time. He idles up to them.

“I decided halfway through The Rise and Fall of Nazi Germany, that I’d rather suck off a donkey then continue going to that class.” Liam says.

“You can’t really skip it and graduate this semester, Liam.” Harry says, “Besides isn’t Zayn in that class with you?”

Liam just hums as a response so Harry continues, “Speaking of Zayn, me and Niall had lunch with your lovely boyfriend of three months today.”

Liam exhales a long breath and sighs, “Crap.”

“Crap is right, my friend. That gorgeous hunk of man-meat you forgot to tell us you snagged wants to know why he’s never met your mother.” Niall says placing a hand on Liam shoulder and chuckling.

“Yeah, Li, you embarrassed to take him home over breaks for some reason?” Harry teases.

“Shut up, both of you.” Liam answers. He tilts his head all the way back, “Why god, did I have to have the one woman, in all of the world that owns the most cat figurines as a mother?!” He practically shouts to the heavens and they get a few looks.

Harry and Niall have heard Liam talk about the cat figurines in his house probably around a million times. And he isn’t kidding about his mother owning the most in the world. She’s in some record book or other. It’s ridiculous. Harry has never seen the collection first hand and he kind of hopes he never does.

“You just need to tell Zayn he can meet your mother next time she comes up to visit instead of taking him home.” Harry says. “And tell him why.”

Liam runs a hand through his short brown quiff, “I’ll figure it out.”

They part ways as Harry heads to his last class and Liam and Niall both head home.

~~~~~~

When Harry gets home he immediately downs two beers and half a pizza Niall has left out on the counter. He holes up in his room until he finishes five pages of one of his big English papers, and watches some television with Niall before Liam comes back from hanging out with Zayn, with Zayn in tow this time. They all get to know each other a little bit and laugh about the cat collection Liam has finally explained, and agree it will be one hell of a summer after they all graduate.

It’s about May fifth now that Harry is thinking about it. All of his days seem to blend together. It isn’t something that bothers him. He enjoys having days without surprises, he is sort of a person of routine after all, boring. So May fifth is just like any other day really as Harry sits at the desk in his room and works on more papers.

** Until three minutes before midnight, Louis Tomlinson leans over and slides open Harry’s window for the first time since he closed it three years ago.   
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still at [Bumstagram](bumstagram.tumblr.com) if you want to come tell me what you think.  
> Chapter two is written and should be up next week.


	3. You and Me Could Be A Team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Knee Socks by The arctic Monkeys.

Harry turns his desk chair hard when he hears the window slide open, only to be confronted with Louis’s crystalline eyes staring straight at him. He’s half illuminated in Harry’s desk light, wearing his signature black skinny jeans, a black jumper, with his hair flat against his forehead under a black beanie. He looks positively criminal.

“Watching porn tonight, Harry Styles?” Louis asks.

“I’m working on a research paper about the advanced life stages of giant moths.” Harry answers on autopilot, his mouth working without his brain’s permission.

“That seems a lot less interesting than ‘Twink Rides Bear Dressed as Tinker Bell’.”

Harry laughs awkwardly and shifts in his desk chair, suddenly uncomfortable. “Does this visit have a purpose?” He asks, inherently aware that Louis is in his room. At Night. He knows that this first real face to face meeting with Louis in four years is bound to have some climactic purpose.

“I’d like to borrow your car.” Louis says.

“You own a car.” Harry points out.

Louis rolls his eyes and walks further into Harry’s room. “Yes, but you see, H, my car can’t be used tonight. Everyone knows my car is  my car . I need a car that’s decidedly not my own.”

“Why?” Harry asks.

Louis just sighs, “ Because,  I have quite the spectacular list of things I have to do tonight, and at least three of them involve  you driving a car, that’s  not my car.”

“Considering you’re somewhat dressed like a criminal, I’m not inclined to help you, plus, I don’t own a car. Niall does.” Harry replies smugly.

“Yes but Niall Horan isn’t part of my spectacular list of things.  You  are.”

Harry wipes a hand across his forehead and just stares at Louis for a moment. His eyes are rimmed red, and the dents under his cheekbone look hollow in the faint light. He looks troubled—no—he looks like trouble. He always has.

“I’m curious as to why you can’t just call upon Nick Grimshaw or one of your many foot licking minions to do your dirty work tonight, Tomlinson.” Harry asks. There’s no reason Louis needs him. Louis has lists of people willing to do his bidding at the snap of his fingers. Harry wavers on wanting to become one of them.

“They’re part of my problem, you see. They won’t know about my latest grand escapade until it’s been applied to them.” Louis says hurriedly.

“What exactly is your problem?”

“There’s a list of problems.”

“I’m not helping you kill anyone, Louis.”

“I swear upon my own life, H, you will not be asked to partake in any murders most foul.” Louis says, placing a hand over his heart.

Harry sighs and stands up from his desk chair. Louis takes his movement as agreement and smiles, “Get the keys, change your clothes and meet me back here in five minutes.”

Before Harry can protest Louis has scrambled back out the window and into his own room.

~~~~~~

Harry finds himself standing next to the entry table before he really notices what he’s doing. Niall’s keys are hanging on the hook above it, meaning for once he’s at the flat. Harry finds himself wishing they weren’t there for him to take. He’s allowed to borrow the car anytime he wants. Niall had awarded both he and Liam that privilege when he got the tiny black Honda Civic.

Louis was already back in Harry’s room when he returned keys in hand. Harry hadn’t changed clothes so he was still wearing his white t-shirt he wears to bed, and black skinnies of his own. Louis doesn’t seem to notice that he hasn’t changed.

“Good, you’ve got the keys! Let’s get started.” Louis says excitedly, heading back for the window.

Harry doesn’t move, “I have classes tomorrow Louis.”

Louis turns back to him, “I have classes tomorrow too. And the next day, and the day after that. And every day for the next three or so weeks until I’m scheduled to finally walk across some big grand platform and accept a piece of paper none of us really ‘earned’. And thinking about that for too long makes me feel a bit crazier than I am.” He pauses. “So yes, Harry, we have classes tomorrow. But we’re still going to have fun tonight.”

So Harry goes. He changes Louis’s direction and leads him out through his flat, rushing down the hallway, and down the stairs and then out the front of Needlepoint where Niall’s Honda sits quietly in a spot that’s usually vacant. He and Louis pile in and Harry starts the engine, twisting on the headlights and pulling slowly out of the lot and onto the street, still not entirely sure what he’s gotten himself into.

The streets outside the complexes are quiet, mostly dark, and no cars roam the streets around them. It feels to Harry almost like a ghost town until Louis starts talking.

“Okay first I’m going to need you to head down Evans Street toward the Sandhus. Luckily they’re open ‘til around three-ish. Then I’m going to need you to round back up Waterloo Way and hit the ASDA for me.”

“Are we basically just hitting all the grocery stores in Sainskirk in the middle of the night? Is that your idea of spectacular-fun-time?” Harry asks, still turning onto Evans Street like he’s been asked to.

“Tonight, my dear sweet companion, we are reclaiming my reputation. Enacting sweet revenge upon those who’ve been vengeful. Wronging them the way they’ve wronged me, and reordering the world to once again revolve around the legendary,” Louis pauses, “well  me . But before we can do all that we sort of have to grocery shop.” Harry pulls into the Sandhus lot right as Louis finishes his speech.

“How much money do you happen to have, H?” Louis asks.

“Uhm, approximately none.” Harry answers, cutting the engine and looking over at Louis. Louis’s eyes are alight and he’s digging into the pockets of his tight black jeans.

Harry watches as he produces a roll of what appears to be one hundred pound notes. “Well God save the Queen, because fortune is luckily smiling upon us.”

“Bloody hell, where’d you get all that?” Harry asks.

“Graduation money. Plus Nick isn’t really smart with his passwords, the rich prick. I may have made a tiny withdrawal from his accounts.” Harry tries to keep the awe off of his face but Louis catches it and smirks. “Basically,” he says, “we are very wealthy lads tonight.”

~~~~~~

Harry realizes a few things about Louis Tomlinson. 1. He never lets silence last longer than a few seconds. 2. No one in the world compares when it comes to adventure. And finally 3. Harry is probably (most definitely) in love with him. Or at least the idea of him. The really is no other explanation for why Harry is so easily following orders.

They’re still in the Sandhus lot and Louis is still talking, “I’ve written down the things you’re going to buy. I also programmed my number into your cell so you can text me if you can’t find something. Also, that reminds me, I may have placed some supplies in the back already.”

“When? Before I stole Niall’s car?” Harry asks, reminding himself that he didn’t really steal it, he’s allowed to use it.

“Sort of, but it doesn’t matter, if you have any questions text me. And with the hair removal cream the brand doesn’t matter, just buy three of the largest containers they have, we are going to need a lot. You won’t be able to get all of it in Sandhus, so don’t worry if you can’t find something.” Louis shoves the list at Harry along with one of the hundred pound notes, “It shouldn’t exceed that.”

Harry reads the list:

red bull {six pack}

hair removal cream {3}

paper wrapped steak {3}

eggs {two dozen}

tire lock

one can of red spray paint

industrial scissors

red roses {one dozen}

plastic wrap

~~~~~~~

Harry reckons the cashier has a right to look at him strangely when he places Red Bull, two dozen eggs, three leaking steak packets, a bouquet of roses, and plastic wrap all onto the conveyor belt at half past midnight. Neither of them say a word as it’s bagged up and he carries it all out.

When he gets back to the car and dumps himself and the items inside, Louis looks too calm and collected. “Why do I feel like we are both going to end up arrested?” He asks him.

“Probably because you’re a very suspicious person who edges on always being nervous.”

“Or I’m a person that fancies never having a record. You know, in case I’d like a nice career when I graduate.” Harry says. “I’m all for your sense of adventure, Louis, but not if it’ll cost me a future.”

Louis looks up at him and smiles, “You’re a bit of a buzzkill aren’t you, Styles?”

Before Harry can retort Louis barks out, “To ASDA!”

~~~~~~~

They go into ASDA together, Louis removing his beanie to look less suspicious. Harry follows him swiftly to the automotive aisle, where they pick up the tire lock. It’s not the most suspicious item on the list, but it’s the heaviest, and for some reason it worries Harry the most.

“Why do we need this?” Harry asks.

“Did you know that humans used to only live around thirty to forty years? They had these pitifully short life spans, you see, so they didn’t take time and plan out big grand life schemes. They kind of just lived in the moment. It wasn’t like nowadays, where we live so long that we go to university, grab up careers, spend years before we retire and are just waiting to die. We have all this time now to do so much, we’re planning creatures now, H. And while I’m still a big fan of doing things in the moment, I kind of like plans.” Louis rambles, avoiding Harry’s question entirely.

“Why do we need a tire lock?” Harry repeats.

Louis places a hand gently in the middle of his chest. “I guess you’ll find out the plan in the moment tonight, Harry.”

** Harry doesn’t question anymore as they gather up the other items.  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still at [bumstagram](bumstagram.tumblr.com)  
> next chapter will be up soon. :)


	4. It Kind of Feels Like Sabatoge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little more lively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from The Irony of Choking on A Life Saver by All Time Low  
> id like to super thank Jenna for helping me come up with some of the stuff for this chapter. :)

They are finally driving on a back street, Harry following Louis’s directions closely. A quick check of his phone at a stop sign reveals that it’s one fifteen in the morning.

“I feel like driving around is the best thing there is to do at night.” Louis says, staring out the window at the street signs vacantly.

“Sleep in the night.” Harry says.

“What?”

“‘Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.’ It’s a quote by William Blake. I read it in one of my English classes last term.” Harry explains rather quietly.

Louis eyes turn toward him. “Quote it again.” He orders.

“‘Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.’”

“I bet all the little things you memorize as an English major really come in handy when you’re wooing your men.” Louis says.

“What men?” Harry says flatly.

“You mean to tell me you don’t have blokes falling at your feet, H?”

“Guess not.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Guess so.” Harry says, thinking that the only man he’d like to woo is sitting in the car with him.

Louis props his feet up on the dash and leans the passenger’s seat back, wiggling his fingers in front of him as he talks. Louis always talks with his hands. “If it makes you feel any better, my rich tit of a boyfriend has been sleeping with my flat mate for the better part of a year.”

Harry looks at Louis, who’s staring out the window again so Harry can’t read his face. “But I just saw you with them this morning. Josh was all over some model type and you were laughing at Nick.”

“I’m not sure what you saw, but I found out well before morning seminars. I found Josh and Nick fraternizing right outside the lecture hall and I rage spiraled. Josh of course ran into the arms of Adam—the model type you just mentioned—in an attempt to prove he was still with him. Nick didn’t like that bit, seemed more upset over that than over me finding out really. Stood there gawking after him like a two-plum twit.”

Harry obviously isn’t a great observer. “Good lord, why would he cheat on you with your own flat mate?”

“Well what Josh lacks in brains he makes up with build, Nick’s a surface man, he’ll take whatever is most fit.”

“Josh isn’t as good as you though.” It slips out of Harry’s mouth before he can stop it.

“I’ve never understood people who pick the people they’re with based on external qualities. Of course when people get to know what’s inside me I guess it wouldn’t matter anyway. You need to turn on the next street.” Louis says.

“Louis, that’s—“ Harry starts.

“Turn.” Louis answers.

~~~~~

Harry can’t fathom why anyone would ever choose Josh Devine over someone like Louis Tomlinson. He also can’t fathom why someone like Louis would choose someone like Nick Grimshaw. Both Nick and Josh are entirely unlikable individuals. Josh can be considered good looking, but he doesn’t really have any other redeeming qualities. He’s your stereotypical blonde brand of stupid, and egotistically bitchy to top it off. And Nick has a superiority complex to rival a royal, and probably sucks out people’s souls if they breathe his air the wrong way.

“They both kind of suck as people, don’t they?” Harry says, drawing Louis’s attention back to the conversation.

“Yeah.” Louis says, pulling the tire lock out of the bags in the back seat. “This will be fantastic.”

“Can I ask where exactly we’re going?”

“Nick’s grossly over-sized estate.”

“Oh god.” Harry says, slamming the brakes and bringing them to an abrupt stop.

Louis balances a hand on the dash to keep from slamming into it. “Jesus, relax. We aren’t going to murder anyone, I just need to pay a visit to Nick’s extra shiny automobile.” He says waving the tire lock.

“Okay,” Harry says, “And then we go back to our flats, right?”

“No, then we move on to the next stage of my wild and spectacular plan.”

“I suddenly feel like your plan is entirely made out of bad ideas.”

“Just drive, H.” Louis says. So Harry does. He pulls up outside Nick’s estate and parks on a curb. Nick’s shiny red Audi is parked a little further ahead in the driveway. Before Harry can even cut the engine Louis is out of the car and slipping toward it, tire lock in hand.

Harry watches from the car as Louis slips it onto the driver’s side wheel and locks it into place before returning to the car.

“Well part one is on lock.” Louis puns, reaching into the back again and coming out with the two steaks, one carton of the eggs, and the industrial scissors. “Time for part two.”

He hands the stuff to Harry and dives back for the can of spray paint. “Come on.” He says before he’s once again out of the passenger’s seat.

Harry watches him for a few moments before he follows, both of them creeping up the long fence toward Nick’s grossly proportioned house. A light was visible in the basement but the rest of the house was dark. Louis points to the light, “That’s Nick’s basement bedroom, where we are going.”

Before they get halfway across the large lawn a dog starts barking. Harry startles and almost drops the things in his hands. Louis grabs the steaks out of Harry’s arms, ripping the paper off and throwing them off in the dark. There’s a thud about fifteen feet away and a happy whimper. Louis smiles and motions for them to continue. “I hate that dog, but if you feed him he won’t make a sound.”

When they finally reach the window, Harry braces himself before he looks in. When he does he wishes he hadn’t. He can clearly see both Nick and Josh cuddled up in a large bed, appearing to only be covered by a thin silk sheet. It makes Harry wish they were here for murder. He looks over at Louis, who’s seeing the same thing, his face masked with rage.

“Bastards.” Louis sneers. “We need to get both of their naked asses out of there.”

Harry doesn’t get to ask what he means because Louis jerks away from the window and starts searching the flower beds they’re standing in. His eyes light up and he bends swiftly when he finds whatever he’s looking for.

“Okay. I’m going to need you to hide in the hedges,” Louis says, motioning to some shrubbery a little ways down from the window. “while I take a brief trip round front and cause some commotion.”

Harry is starting to nervously sweat but he does as he’s told, maneuvering out of sight and holding on tighter to the items in his arms. It feels like only a few seconds later when he hears what sounds like a rock crashing through glass coming from the front of the house. He’s thinking about that being at least a felony when Louis comes rushing back around the side of the house.

Harry scurries back to the window and he sees that both Nick and Josh are no longer in the basement when a light clicks on upstairs. “Shit, what do we do now?”

“Follow my lead and all will be well.” Louis says calmly. He then proceeds to open the basement window and crawl inside. Harry quickly follows.

Once they’re safely inside, or really not so safely, Harry breathes a little better. They can hear the footsteps and voices of both Nick and Josh upstairs. “Hand me the scissors.” Louis says.

Harry does and watches as Louis goes over to Nick’s closet and starts hacking away at anything hanging. He pauses and looks back at Harry. “Don’t just stand there, take that carton of eggs in your arms and paint the walls yellow.”

Harry blanches but hustles, dropping the can of paint and opening the carton, pulling three eggs into his large hand at once.  He looks back up at Louis who nods and motions for him to throw them. Harry does, hitting the wall right above the bed, egg sliding slowly down as the shells fall to the sheets. Louis whoops despite himself and everything goes quiet upstairs.

“Fuck.” Louis says, “Quick, throw as many as you can and then get back to the car.” Harry hears the movement upstairs get closer to coming back downstairs, so he starts hurling eggs as fast as he can. Louis rushes over, finished with the closet and grabs the can of paint. He jumps up onto the bed and sprays a big red ‘L’ right where harry had splattered the first eggs.

Harry’s hurling the last eggs when the door to the basement opens. He drops the carton and turns, careful not to trip over his own feet as he rushes back to the window. He hoists himself back out into the flower bed and turns to help Louis.

Only he can’t, because Louis is still inside hunched over the desk writing something on a post-it note. “Come on, Lou.” Harry hisses.

Louis slaps the note onto the desk and runs to the window just as Nick comes into view. Harry clambers out of view, scooting on his butt in the dirt and letting Louis pop through the window. When Louis’s out he’s on his feet and offering a Harry a hand. “Come on, we needed to be in the car like yesterday.”

Harry hears the yelling from the basement as they sprint across the yard and out the drive.

~~~~~

They’re safely back to the main roads before Harry is willing to turn the headlights on. “We’re going to jail for that.” He says to Louis.

Louis looks up from where he’s resting his head back on the window. “They didn’t see you or the car. And they would have known it was me even if I hadn’t spray painted my initials and left a note.” He pauses, “So I think you mean  I’m  going to jail for that.”

Harry finds a side street to pull in and parks the car. Laying low for a few minutes is probably in their best interest. “Why did you leave a note?”

Louis sighs, “I figured if I’m going to leave a path of destruction I might as well make it as poetic as possible.” He leans toward Harry. “Aren’t you going to ask me what it says?”

“What did it say?”

“Something along the lines of, ‘You’re one slimy bastard. I hope the holes in your clothes match the holes in my heart’ something like that.” Louis says. Harry thinks he hears sadness.

“I’m sorry.” Harry says.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Harry decides to change the subject. “Pretty sure my heart is still going to jump out of my chest.”

“That’s what life is supposed to feel like, H.”

“I really don’t think it is. Maybe if you have a heart condition.”

“I suppose that’s true, but tell me that adrenaline rush didn’t get you high.”

Harry supposes Louis is right as well. His lungs feel extra expanded and his eyes super alert. He is either really excited or on the verge of having a heart attack. Possibly both.

“While you calm down, I think I’m going to start preparing for the next round.” Louis says, leaning all the way into the back and coming out with a pad of sticky notes and a pen. Harry guesses it’s from the supplies Louis stored in the car without permission.

** Harry watches him flip up the pages and write out three notes without unsticking them. His small hands and thin fingers are so distracting. Harry wants to loop them with his own. When he finally slides the whole pad into his pocket Harry’s pulse is slowing. He can’t help but think that the sleepy town of Sainskirk is in for quite the wakeup call. Coming in the form of one Louis Tomlinson.   
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still [Bumstagram](bumstagram.tumblr.com)  
> Let me know if you guys even want more, cause there's definitely more to come.


	5. Just To Let You Know, That We're Not Playing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get EVEN MORE WILD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Body Bag by Hit The Lights

“Jade Thirlwall is next.” Louis says when they’re back on the road. He’s waving one of the sticky notes and cradling the roses on his lap. “I have to leave her an apology.”

“What did you do to her?” Harry asks.

“I sort of bit the hand that fed me.” Louis says. “She’s the one who told me about Nick and Josh.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, of course I immediately believed her, which didn’t help her cause any. I remember calling her a no good, whiny tart with the hair of an inflated troll doll.”

“Her hair _is_ really blue.” Harry supplies in Louis’s defence.

“I know. It actually kind of suits her. I didn’t really say anything that’s true. She was just trying to help me.”

Harry parks on the street in front of Jade’s complex, it’s not that far down from theirs. Louis gets out and sprints up the walk disappearing through the doors. Harry assumes he’s going to leave the flowers outside her door.

Louis sprints back out and is back in the car within only a few minutes. Harry looks at him, “What’s next?”

“Next, we pay a visit to my lovely flat. It’s Josh’s turn and I have a feeling he’s not home yet. Unless he walked all the way across Sainskirk in his knickers.”

Harry remembers that Josh doesn’t drive, and they’d locked up Nick’s tires. “Remind me to never piss you off.” He tells Louis.

“My wrath rains down like ragnarok.” Louis replies.

~~~~~

Harry parks down the street from Cherrywood arms because he’s feeling cautious. Just in case Niall is looking for his car, or Josh has made it home he thinks its best.

When they’re standing in front of the very familiar building Harry can’t help but think it doesn’t look familiar at all. The gray stone siding, the little sign with the cherry tree logo. All of it looks different somehow in the here and now. He guesses it’s because he’s looking at it in the middle of the night from the perspective of someone about to wreak havoc.

Louis has the cans of hair removal cream and the can of spray paint balanced in his arms as they walk inside and slowly go up the stairwell. Harry can’t help but remember that Louis ran up this same stairwell four years ago into a gruesome sight. He’s still thinking about it when they reach the door to Louis’s flat.

“The key is over the door.” Louis says, jiggling the items he’s holding to emphasize that his hands are full.

Harry takes the key down and unlocks the door and places it right back. The inside of Louis’s flat is basically a mirror of his own with different furniture. He realizes this is the first time he’s ever been here.

Louis heads off down the little hallway and Harry trails after him. Louis slams open a door that has to be Josh’s, not even trying to be quiet. He looks at Harry. “Josh is still at Nick’s and Greg isn’t here tonight.” He pauses, “I almost feel a bit silly. Like I’m breaking into my own flat.”

They step into Josh’s room and it’s big. The mirror room with its own bathroom that Liam stays in in Harry’s flat. The room is decorated in posters of football players and various drummers, there’s laundry on the floor and the smell of old food in the air.

Louis sighs and heads to the bathroom. Harry watches him as he stares in the mirror for a few seconds before sitting down the bottles of hair removal cream and lifting the spray can to the mirror, painting it with the same large ‘L’ he’d sprayed above Nick’s bed. On the mirror it looks like blood.

When he finishes he pulls the notepad from his pocket and peels off the top one sticking it in the curve of the ‘L’. Harry watches as Louis moves to the shower, gathering bottles of shampoo and body wash, even a jug of face wash. He hands them to Harry. “Dump this in the toilet while I wash these down the sink.”

When they both finish and all the bottles are empty Louis sits on the edge of the toilet seat and starts refilling all the bottles with the hair removal cream. He doesn’t seem to need Harry’s help so Harry takes the opportunity to walk over to the mirror and read the note so effortlessly stuck there.

It reads:

_Our friendship is receding almost as fast as your hairline. Don’t be surprised when it’s completely gone. – Louis_

Harry can’t help but laugh. “Won’t this clue him in that you’ve done something to the shampoo?”

Louis snorts. “Josh isn’t that bright. He checks his hairline every morning so he’ll think it’s a play on his routine. It won’t be until he comes out of the shower sans every hair on his body that he’ll understand what I really meant.”

Harry does laugh at the image of a completely hairless Josh. The worst would be losing his eyebrows. “You can’t possibly have anything more epic than this planned.”

“Oh yes I can. Come along now. Eleanor Calder’s car is calling us.”

~~~~~

Eleanor lives in the dorms on the other side of campus, about a mile from the complexes. And since she’s the only human in Sainskirk prissy enough to drive a Barbie pink car, it’s not particularly hard to locate it in the lot. The only risk is that Harry’s pretty sure there are cameras here.

“Don’t they have cameras monitoring these lots?” He asks.

“They used to. They haven’t worked in about two years. They stopped replacing them because no one ever vandalized anything, no cars have been stolen, and no one has backed into anyone else in a while.” Louis says.

“So what exactly is Eleanor’s part in all of this?” Harry asks as he cracks open a can of red bull. It’s edging on three in the morning now and he needs the boost.

“El didn’t do anything directly. She’s just sort of the world’s shittiest friend. I’ve known her a lot longer than my university years. We’re from the same town.” Louis explains.

“And?”

“ _And,_ I realized I’ve listened to her bitch and degrade people—including me—for most of our lives. I let her use me as her token gay friend and I’m pretty sure that’s all she sees me as. Plus, she didn’t tell me about Nick.” Louis pauses, “Not to mention she tells me I’m fat. If I were another girl that would probably be debilitating.”

Harry’s looking out the window still surveying the lot, staring at the bubblegum car in the next row up. “You’re not fat.” He defends. And it’s true. Louis isn’t, he has thighs and a tummy but it suits him. He’s perfect.

“Of course you don’t think so. You like my ass too much.”

That causes Harry to look over at Louis when he shouldn’t. He’s sure Louis can read his face, which just happens to be saying, _“Yes, I very much like your ass.”_

Louis doesn’t call him out though. He just smiles and asks, “Will you hand me that second carton of eggs and grab the plastic wrap?” He’s already got the spray paint in hand.

Harry puts his red bull in the cup holder and does what he’s asked. They get out and walk through the row they parked in and across the aisle, coming right up behind the pink beamer, which is much, much uglier up close. Louis walks around to the driver side and just opens the door. “She really never learned that she should lock this stupid car. Not that anyone would steal it anyway, this pink is way too 90’s.”

He sits the carton of eggs on the roof and pops the cap on the spray paint. This time the ‘L’ gets marked perfectly on the interior leather seats. Louis finishes with a flourish and waves the last sticky note at Harry. “This one says, ‘You’ve always been kind of clingy, suffocating really. Now you know just how bothersome clingy can be.’”

Harry looks at the cling wrap he’s holding and he’s starting to see where Louis is going with this one. He doesn’t understand what the eggs are for until Louis shuts the door and opens the carton. He takes an egg in each hand and just smashes them against the window. Harry watches as he repeats the process all over the car.

“I can’t throw them because the car alarm might go off.” Louis explains when he presses the last eggs against the windshield and lets them drain down. “Get the plastic wrap ready, we’re going to wrap it up nice and tight starting at the hood.”

It takes them all of about fifteen minutes as a team effort. When they finish and stand back Eleanor’s car looks like the shiniest, nastiest gift-wrapped present that one could only hope they’d never receive. Harry checks his phone. It’s three forty-five a.m. and he’s never felt more alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT IS ACTUALLY READING THIS FIC!!!!! I LOVE YOU, AND THE FEW OF YOU THAT THERE ARE, ARE THE ONLY REASON I'M STILL WRITING IT!!!!!  
>   
> you can find me at [Bumstagram](bumstagram.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [Bumstagram](bumstagram.tumblr.com)  
> feedback is appreciated. xx Thank you for reading.


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